Thursday, May 22, 2008

I Can Do This

I am trying to be strong.

I am really angry inside, but I am trying not to let it show.

At the end of this evening's blog, I am going to ask God to give me as much strength as I can to get through the next several weeks.

Yes...I need chemo again. Dr. Spiera was not at all happy with the status of my health at today's visit. He said last week's bloodwork results were status quo, nothing out of the ordinary. But after he thoroughly examined me and asked me many questions, he said I need Rituxan as soon as possible.

He tried to call Dr. Rumore while I was in the office, but was unsuccessful in reaching him. Dr. Spiera said I should start prednisone (ugh) immediately to get me through until the treatment. He wants to follow the Rituxan RA (rheumatoid arthritis) protocol...1000 mg. one day, then 1000 mg. fifteen days later. Just as last year.

Dr. Rumore finally called me this evening around 9:30 and was shocked to hear the news. He couldn't believe how fast my health has changed, and will make the calls tomorrow to get the approval. We just don't know if my new insurance company will pay for the treatment. If not, hopefully the pharmaceutical foundation will donate it again as they did last year.

Either way, the longer I wait, the worse my health will to day. I will follow up with a phone call to the point person in Dr. Rumore's office tomorrow to see if they have any tentative dates. And I will start the 40 mg. of prednisone (double ugh) tomorrow after breakfast.

This is really difficult.

I know in my head that I need to have the treatment in order to get well. And I have been through this before. But that doesn't make it any easier.

Dear God,
I am aware daily of your presence within me as the ultimate life energy, force, mind and spirit of my selfhood.

I completely turn over the will of my body, mind and soul to you.

I totally accept my inner oneness with your presence, power and wisdom and love, and will think positively about myself and my life.

I totally accept that healing and good health are the natural ways of life for me, and I accept this throughout my body, mind and soul.

I call forth into the presence of my creator within me, Almightly God, my creator.

I affirm that through your love for me, your creation, you allow me to reprogram my mind with thinking that is in tune with your will for my soul's purpose in this lifetime.

For this realization I give thanks.

I let it be so.

And so it is.


Blogger Michael said...

Hi Beverly; I will continue to pray that God will grant you strength for the treatments. I've had Imuran (blah), and Meth (not to bad), and now Cellcept (no problem). All with Pred. (now down to 3mg). Cellcept has worked for over two years, Praise God!. Take care..........Mike

1:25 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Just read your post, daaahh Mike!

1:55 AM  

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